Guess Who?

You have to guess who this is. Think real hard and it will come to you.

When I first started I only worked only for a maximum of nine months a year. I have now reduced that too much less with my last visit lasting only a few months. I have never worked a full year.

I need almost as much time off to tend to my personal business as I do time on the job.

I spend most of my day staring at the computer screen in the teacher’s lounge, talking on the phone in administration, bent over the administrators desk talking or checking my e-mail or stock listings in the computer room. If I put in two hours per day it’s a miracle and I’m doing something wrong. Heck the boss loves me, so I don’t have to worry about being productive. Besides it pay back time for driving him around the States and sheltering his family. Twice now.

I never teach a class and if a teacher is absent I never step up and fill in which should be my responsibility. Rather, I suddenly have important business to take care off campus. Consequently, some unsuspecting teacher has to take the place of the absentee. This is not fun for them but I really don’t care or understand, as I’m not a teacher. It’s funny how they let me get away with this isn’t it. Neat huh.

I never miss a meal. When I eat, I fill my plate with everything available, mix it all together and then saturate it with soy sauce. I then hold my spoon in a death grip and dig in. When I’m done rice litters my dining area and often my face. I am noted for finishing the food left on the table without asking my tablemates if they want any more. My utensils are left haphazardly around my plate and my chair is never pushed back under the table when I’m finished. Some have commented that I am a slob and that they have difficulty watching me eat as it makes them physically ill.

I wear my trousers high about my waist and I have been known to have pee stains in the area of my crouch, especially on my gray trousers of which I am so fond and ware all the time. Several teachers have also remarked among themselves that I sometime smell like stale urine. My shoes are never shined any most of my ties come from my 60’s collection unless someone should give me one as a gift. I can never be referred to as being sharp in appearance.

Somehow my investments in Thailand never pay off and I always end up spending more trying to recoup my losses. I just don’t know when to give up.

I proclaim my love for my wife at every opportunity, but the entire staff (Administration, Thai teachers, Non-native and native speaking teachers) know that I have a mia noi (minor wife) who is at my beckon call when I am in Thailand. I am fooling no one except myself.

I have even been known to buy a fake Rolex and when it stops working several days later, spend even more money to have it repaired.

I am convinced that all the teachers love me. Especially the Filipino teachers who never give me any grief. However, the truth is that because of my relationship with the owner, people are afraid to confront me because they value their jobs.

My nickname could be “Mr. Memorandum”.

I am not a yes man; I am the yes man.